As I sit here on set, looking out at an entire mask filled crew, I am grateful to be back to work, yet I wonder how many people would judge us all for getting back to life amidst a pandemic. My nasal swab covid test was an experience never to be forgotten and hit nerves I didn’t even know I had. My temperature was checked before I went on set and checked every 2 hours after that. My hands had to be sprayed with sanitizer often and I had to have a special colored wristband. The pink wristband meant talent, so that when I took my mask off, to do that little thing called “acting”, no one would start dialing in a swat team.
It was definitely a weird feeling, but I was just excited to be working again and in a place where I feel like I belonged, that I forgot all about the world crisis. That’s the weird part about being on set versus being at a party surrounded by strangers (which I hope will happen again one day, even if it does feed my anxious gut) is that when I’m on set everything else just fades away. I feel like I’m on purpose and I'm not just the awkward girl in the corner, downing her drink way too fast. When I'm on set, I’m the girl who has something to offer.
During this pandemic (aka Pandy in my house) I have been walking around thinking I have no idea what the eff I’m doing and other times thinking,"I know EXACTLY what I’m doing!", followed up with a good scream cry into my pillow.
My point in all this is that the pandy has done a number on us all. We’ve all been living in the same failing circus, so if you’re a person who’s judging others for going back to work, or judging others for going out period, I would ask that you please just allow everyone to deal with the shit show we are in, exactly as they choose. Should someone want to stay inside all day, then so be it. Should someone want to go out to a restaurant and meet a couple friends for dinner, don’t judge them for taking time with friends. Yes, we want everyone to stay safe, so I would hope everyone is wearing their mask and layering up on the Purell, but we gotta let people get back to some normalcy for the sake of mental health. Not everyone lives with a partner or roommates, so some of us have to go to bed some nights with only a body pillow at our side (and I don’t mean that in a sad way because body pillows are rad) and with that, we may need to seek some daily human interaction. Not everyone is built to be really great alone, all the time. For those of you who are, I commend your strength in solitude, but some of us belong in a different tribe.
The struggle is real, people are feeling hopeless and alone, this election is stressful, some still don’t have full time work, some have lost a feeling of purpose, some have to leave their city and move back home, others are literally burying someone they love. We are surrounded by a lot of pain, grief and bitterness right now and I think everyone needs their time to soak that in however they damn well please. With that, it doesn’t mean we can’t offer up a hand to hold and a kind word to hear, so that they don’t feel like they’re stranded on a deserted island, which is slowly going up in flames, all alone.
I think everyone just needs to give a little more love right now to their friends and family, regardless of their life choices. At the end of the day, heart to heart connection is truly what matters and we shouldn’t take a chance at losing that. Sure, I treat my career as my BFF in the hopes that one day it’ll start treating me right, because that’s what defines me…..right? ………………...This is why I read “Notes from your therapist” on the daily, because I clearly don’t have it all figured out. But, I can tell you what I sort of have figured out.
The love you give matters. It could literally save someone. Your 2 cents probably won’t save anyone, but your love can. Allow someone to fall apart in front of you or just be silent. Allow everyone who is not you, to deal with this shit show, as they see fit. Allow yourself some time to take care of you and then follow that up by giving over your time and love to someone who needs it.
This is a scarier world we are living in and everyone is adjusting, for better or worse. Give those around you some hugs, love and laughter and leave your 2 cents behind. Love without judgement and just be grateful we’ve got more time to give our 2 cents down the road, but what the world needs now is love, sweet love.